Seven Year Itch

I just read today that most people turn over 50% of their friends every 7 years. That means that every 14 years we have a completely new circle of buddies.



I know that it must be. And the reason why I know this is because seven is a mystical number.



Seven is the smallest positive integer to be spoken with two syllables when pronounced in English. Seven is the largest number of digits which the typical American can remember without prompting (hence, 7 digit phone numbers). Seven stellar objects in the solar system are visible to the naked eye from Earth: the sun, the moon and the five classical naked eye plants: Mars, Mercury, Jupiter, Venus and Saturn. There are seven hills in classical Rome, seven Sages and seven wonders of the world. We have seven days of the week. Seven dwarfs and Snow White. And Marilyn Monroe's Seven Year Itch.



Of course we'll have new friends every 7 years. And how those friends do change.



When I was a little girl, my friends, for better or worse, were kids who lived near me. If we couldn't walk or bike to each other's houses, we couldn't be friends.



In high school, my friends were those socially inept people like myself. We stuck together because at our little North Carolina high school, it wasn't too cool to be brainy and brainy was what defined us. Thrown together by eccentricities.

College? More of the same... except some of us had cars.

After-college friends, though, are a different story. I made 3 close friends in nursing school. And thirty years after nursing school, I can't find any of them. Kids took up alot of my time in my 20's and 30's and my friends, or rather, my acquaintances, were parents of my friends' kids and a few who I went to church with. We'd try to get together but often ball games and after-school activities and homework and our own jobs interferred with creating a bond between us.


UNTIL.

A few years ago I realized that my kids would soon be gone. My husband and I would be in an empty house. And I was planning to retire in 7 years. All of my friends at the time were people I worked beside. Did I have friends? Or were they simply people I bumped into daily?

When you're 50 years old, how does one make friends? How does one find people to make friends with????


My good friend Lynette is the best friend-maker I've ever known. She knows how to cultivate friendships and most of what I've learned as an adult about friendships I've learned from her.

Let people know that you like them. Join groups of people who share your interests. Go to church. Volunteer. And when you find someone.... call them. Often. Go out to dinner or a movie or to the Farmer's Market, even if only for an hour. When it's a special occasion, mail them a card. Have a party and invite every friend you have. Or would want to have.

So now I go to church almost every Sunday. And after 20 years of going to the same church, I think I've finally connected. I'm a slow learner. I belong to a knitting group that meets every week. In my normal workaday world I would have never met the wonderful women I've met at this free knitting group. I belong to another group that knits blankets for chemotherapy patients. I've registered to become a Literacy association member. I've become active in my professional nursing association.


When I was in 1st grade, friendships weren't work. Now they are. My little friends are gone. I hope these are here to stay. Longer than 7 years. They'll be worth it. Thank you, Lynette.