The Yacht Club

Last night my husband and I went to a party on the river. We were celebrating a friend's completion of his medical residency and the party was held at a small
yacht club on our island. In fact, the only yacht club on our island.

Not a fancy place. Almost anyone can rent the club for events. My first husband belonged to this place we kiddingly called, the Redneck Boat Club. To join you have to have a white penis. That's right. No women are allowed to join. And no one of color belongs to this club.

My first husband loved going here, even though he would not think of himself as racist or sexist. The club is simple- a bar and a small event room and a sun porch. The grounds are large and you can store your boat there. But it's the fabulous access to Charleston's harbor that probably drew him and kept him there.

Easy access to the water. Sailing lessons for members' kids. Playgrounds and boats everywhere and kayaks and a small sandy beach. A long dock to fish and crab from. Bicycling distance from the house. My children spent many hours at this place.

And I never once felt I belonged. And of course, I didn't.

Every Friday night for years, my husband and I went to this club for a cocktail hour and raffle for which you had to be present to win. I silently fought myself every Friday night about going to the club. I disliked the politics and the beliefs of almost everyone at that club. But my husband wanted me to go with him and the children- who got to play with their friends at night at the river- on these Friday nights. And being a wife who was still trying to make that marriage work, I went along.

And I actually talked myself into it for a while. Smiling at the ladies there with their husbands. Compromising my ideas about equality and fairness. About what kind of wife and mother and woman I wanted to be. Trying to belong when very clearly I didn't. Until I just gave it all up.

Last night I sat on the dock with a different husband. But not with a different me. Perhaps a truer me. Definitely a more contented me.

Compromises. Hopefully they don't damage you too badly while they're teaching you a lesson.